When the Holidays Aren’t Full of Cheer

Written by: Enrique Montiel, YCP Director

The Holidays are here!! Beginning in November and going into the New Year, it is a time full of excitement with new memories waiting to be built. For many, the holidays are often associated with joy, cheer, food, and family. That may be because we picture families sitting around the table getting ready to cut the turkey or helping to put up the Christmas tree and opening presents.

Unfortunately, for many youth in the foster care system, the holidays have the opposite effect. Unable to be with their biological families, a child’s feelings of sadness, loneliness, loss, and even thoughts of suicide might be heightened during this time. For this reason, as a foster parent or advocate, it is very important that every year you prepare in advance to ensure the overall wellbeing of each youth you are caring for.

What can foster parents and others do to make foster youth feel more comfortable and welcomed around the holidays? Consider the following tips and tricks.

1.       Be Vigilant and Un-Offendable

Remember that foster youth have a lot to process year-round, but even more during the holidays.  Holidays may bring out new feelings or behaviors and may also exacerbate existing ones. For certain youth, there will be times when they are happy to be with your family. At other times, they may be overwhelmed by sadness and other deep emotions, especially if they are unable to spend time with their biological family and friends. This time of year may be another harsh reminder that they are currently unable to be with their biological families, bringing up memories of the anxiety and trauma they have faced thus far. It is important to be alert but not take these emotions personally.

2.       Talk About Traditions

Traditions and customs make feel people right at home. Have a discussion with your youth to inquire what celebrating holidays looks like for both you and them. As is possible, incorporate some of their traditions to make them feel welcome. The smallest things can sometimes make the biggest difference. Also remember to respect that foster youth may celebrate holidays you don’t, and vice versa.

3.       Search for Other Connections

Lastly, if possible, plan ahead and ask about the youth’s wider community. The holidays don’t stop and end with family. Ask the youth and their representatives about any extended relatives or friends who the youth may be able to visit with during the holidays. This could be a teacher from their old school, a close friend, or an old neighbor whom the youth has known a long time. Identifying additional individuals who are important to the youth can be very helpful towards getting through the holidays.

These three tips should help you have a better understanding of the impact the coming season might have on the youth we work with and help us better prepare to navigate the highs and lows of the holidays.